Stepping ever closer to launch

You might think that I’m excited about launching my next book, Where Memories Meet—Reclaiming my Father after Alzheimer’s, and you wouldn’t be wrong. But you wouldn’t be completely right. I’m feeling a lot of ambivalence.

As I get closer to finishing what my dad, and mom really, and I started more than seven years ago now, I realize I am crossing the finish line alone. They are both gone and will never see the book that Dad wanted me to write, and that Mom encouraged every step of the way.

Things like this propel the deep-seated, scarred over grief right up to the surface.

Gosh, I miss them.

So it makes me sad to finish this book, but I’m doing it anyway. Life is like that.

My daughter Anna, graphic designer extraordinaire, worked with me yesterday on the layout. She’s done a beautiful job with it. I can’t wait to see it in print. I hope to order a copy (with a temporary cover) today or tomorrow to proof. I remember the day I first received a print book of Dancing in Heaven in the mail in 2011. I video recorded it.

I’m probably not going to video record my self this time, but will be certain to have tissues at hand.

Next time, I’m writing a happy, whimsical, fictional book.

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18 thoughts on “Stepping ever closer to launch

  1. technotes1979

    The process of grieving can take many forms. We are all the better for being able to share the journey through your writing, Christine. My hope is that you can come back to our school to discuss where you’ve been through the process with your dad’s story. You’ve helped me to help my husband through losing three close family members in a short period of time.

    Reply
    1. CMSmith Post author

      I’m sorry to hear about your losses. It really unravels the fabric of our lives when we lose a lot of loved ones in a short period of time without being able to fully adjust. It’s a good thing we are resilient creatures. I’m glad you found me to be helpful in some small way. We all need each other.

      I would be thrilled to return, if you can work it out.

      Reply
  2. Pamela G Stein

    So proud of you in this bittersweet moment. I watch my mother fade and my stomach twists and tears fall helplessly. It is a heart wrenching endeavor watching a person you love navigate through this evil disease. I have appreciated all of you words of kindness and wisdom. Aunt Mary and Uncle Jerry would be & are so proud.

    Reply
    1. CMSmith Post author

      I really feel for you and your siblings, Pam. There is peace and calm after that Alzheimer’s storm. Sorrow and sadness, but peace. I know it’s hard to bring up good past memories because of what you have to face today. I always found it easier to stay in the present moment with Dad. I truly am able to reclaim him now through my memories. It’s a nice thing.

      Reply
  3. Beth Ann

    Congrats on this important step in the grieving process. I am anxious to read it as I know what a gifted writer you are. What a journey you have been on and what support you can offer others because of that journey. Congrats on the book!

    Reply
    1. CMSmith Post author

      Thanks Beth Ann,
      If you’re willing to post a review on Amazon for me, I’ll be happy to send you a copy when they’re available. Let me know.

      Reply
  4. karen

    Congratulations on nearing the end. You choose such emotional subjects, I think that’s part of the haling process for you. Thanks for sharing my birthday with me.

    Reply

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